Hope for Harvest on the Horizon
- Melanie Nelson
- Sep 8
- 14 min read
Living with Chronic Illness While Waiting for Healing
I haven’t worn pants in over a year.
I wish the reason why was as funny as that sentence, but I have been struggling with an unnamed chronic health issue for almost a year now. While I am still walking through a journey of healing, I have retrospectively noticed that my struggle has shifted with the changing of the seasons. In this post, I will use deciduous trees as a metaphor for the symbolism of each season as it applies to me personally through my struggle with chronic illness.
Winter
This season can symbolize several different things: Endings, reflection, hardship, endurance, or rest. At this time, the trees have shed all their leaves to conserve water and energy and protect themselves from ice and snow. In preparation for hibernation, they store all their nutrients in their roots and enter a deep slumbering state. During this time of my life, winter symbolized struggle and endurance.
Since 2021, I’ve had digestive issues. It started off small. Bloating after meals and frequent constipation. Being the health nut I am, I took matters into my own hands and researched possible causes. After several years, I concluded I just had intolerances to certain foods, so I started an elimination diet.
But everything crumbled to pieces in November of 2024 when I was almost hospitalized because I got to the point where I couldn’t really eat food.
Food sat like a rock in my gut, causing severe constipation and bloating to the point where I looked like I was six months pregnant every single day. I categorized the severity of the bloat with three colors: (1) Blue, signifying that the bloat was uncomfortable but only noticeable to me, (2) Yellow, where the bloat was noticeable to others but not debilitating, and (3) Red, where the bloat was so large and intense it was hard to even stay standing.
Within a couple months, we chose to rehome our adorable Dachshund puppy, Percy. The intense physical stress I was under was already too much. Adding a puppy into the mix only made things worse (though that’s not Percy’s fault). If my health wasn’t in such a bad state, we would probably still have a dog.
It was a long winter.
Every day, I woke up feeling terribly bloated and internally stuck. I could no longer fit in a lot of my clothes because the bloating was constant and intense. Plans and date nights were frequently cancelled because I felt horrible and often didn’t have the energy to do more than sit on the couch. I had to take enemas just to make enough room in my gut to enjoy a steak dinner on Christmas Eve. I spent countless times crying in the bathroom as doctor visits and drugs did nothing to help my symptoms or figure out what was wreaking havoc on my body.
I was starving, but in so much pain every time I ate food that I’d end up laying horizontal on the couch. Eventually, I was eating less and less because there just wasn’t any room, even as my body cried out in hunger. The act of eating became something to fear, because no matter what I ate, my system couldn’t tolerate it.
Doctor visits to a gastrointestinal specialist did nothing. He took some blood, determined I might have celiac disease, told me to take some Miralax (as if I hadn’t already tried that ages ago), and said “See ya in three months!”
Three months?
I could barely eat, and he wanted to wait three months before seeing me again? After the Miralax didn’t work (no surprise there), I moved the next appointment up. He then slapped me with the IBS label and handed me a drug to liquify my stool. Desperate for anything to help me at this point, I accepted. For the entire month of February, I was constantly running to the bathroom (literally), but it didn’t help. In fact, it made my bloating worse (I later discovered that one of the drug’s main side effects was bloating). Food still sat in my gut like a rock. Even though things were “technically” moving, it didn’t change how awful I felt.
I haven’t seen that doctor again.
In March, I searched for another option, praying that God would send the right person my way. Then, after searching for holistic nutritionists online, I found Amy. After we talked on the phone, we started making a plan…
Spring
This season is associated with new beginnings, renewal, hope, and life. At this time, the trees awaken from their slumber. They begin to grow new leaves and buds to absorb nutrients from the sun and to reproduce. Partnering with soil fungi, they absorb even more nutrients and water from the earth. During this time of my life, spring symbolized hope and a turning point in my healing journey.
I immediately eliminated the most common trigger foods from my diet: gluten, dairy, or soy—a.k.a. pretty much anything yummy—and continued a detailed food journal. After mineral testing, Amy set me up with several supplements to help re-balance my body and get my gut to move consistently by itself again.
It was the first step in the marathon of healing.
Mineral testing revealed the levels of the four foundational minerals—calcium, magnesium, sodium, and potassium—were critically low in my body. Magnesium and potassium, while essential to over 300 enzymatic functions in the body, are particularly crucial for gut function and mobility. Additionally, my cobalt levels were practically nonexistent, which signified that my stomach acid was also practically nonexistent.
Well, that certainly explained a lot.
From this point on, I couldn’t eat a meal without also taking a mountain of pills with it. Most of them were to help replenish my body’s base minerals, but others were to promote digestion and the breaking down of food. Additional supplements supported the production of stomach acid by helping reconnect my brain with my gut (an issue autistic people happen to be susceptible to). There were capsules, tinctures, powders, teas, liquids, lotions—you name it, I was taking it (still am, for the most part).
My days became a map of what pills to take and when. Eating out was a nightmare, because I had to be that person and ask the waiter/waitress if what I wanted to eat contained any gluten, dairy, or soy. At every meal with family/friends, I was left out of something (or everything) delicious. Birthdays came and went, and while everyone ate scrumptious meals and sweets, I was stuck with a tuna packet and my plethora of pills.
Note: I want to take a moment to appreciate every person who cooked or bought something for me that I could eat. I know it wasn’t easy, given the severity of my dietary restrictions, but it made me feel included and loved during a time I felt excluded from everything food related.
The depressive emotions that came with being left out of meals was crushing. It was akin to the six months I went without my sense of smell after I had COVID-19 (without my nose, taste left too) only so much worse. I was reminded just how beautiful a simple meal with family is. A seemingly small thing—eating food—taken for granted until all joy in it was destroyed.
Around this time, Gavin decided to join me on my strict diet to support me. I almost cried, because the loneliness at being left out of every meal had built up to the point where I didn’t even want to eat with other people anymore. Now that I wasn’t the only one, it was so much easier to not be pulled down by depression. His sacrifice gave me the emotional boost I needed to keep fighting.
Food eventually became less of something to fear (though there were times I had to stop eating from the fear of being massively bloated again) and more of an irritation. Like, why do we have to eat three meals a day? It was hard enough to just eat one sometimes.
When Amy suspected that there was still more going on in my body than deficiencies, I had a bioresonance scan. And in June, we were finally able to work out what the core issue was…
My body has several unwanted house guests: two different types of fungi (mucor mucedo, pullaria pullulans), two bacterial overgrowths, and two heavy metals have been plaguing my system.
Summer
This season symbolizes several different things: Growth, vitality, and hard work. At this time, the trees focus on growth. They stretch their branches even higher and produce a vast canopy of green leaves to absorb as much sunlight as possible so they can photosynthesize even more than they did in spring. It’s a delicate balance though, as the intense summer heat can stress them out if they can’t find/conserve enough water. To survive, trees need consistent, deep watering to support growth and prevent drought stress. During this time of my life, summer symbolized hard work.
Now the real work began. From the beginning of June to the beginning of September, I’ve been working through three months of gut protocols. Each protocol targeted the invaders from a different angle for a month with natural herbs and ancient remedies, all without hurting my body with modern drugs.
This wasn’t about relieving the symptoms, but eliminating the source.
The bioresonance scan also revealed which specific foods my body is currently having trouble digesting, so my food options opened a great deal. At this point, I finally started to see small signs of improvement. Days I could eat two meals without much trouble. Weeks where I almost made it without getting into the red. In July, I only spent a few days in the red rather than every or every other day.
Then my body started re-calibrating my hormones.
Besides being critically low in all basic minerals and stomach acid, while fighting off fungi, bacteria, and heavy metals, my hormones were thrown completely out of whack due to a copper imbalance in my brain. It caused intense mood swings, fatigue, and contributed to my main symptoms: bloating and constipation.
Now we have caught up to the present day. Right now, it feels like I’ve backtracked, as I once again spend more days in the yellow and red than I do in the blue. I recognized that the process of healing often takes two steps forward and one step back, so hope is all I cling to as I wait for my body to finish recalibrating my hormones and hopefully begin to digest food normally again.
At this point too, the financial strain we've endured up to now has reached a breaking point. With our savings account growing steadily smaller, we've had to cut spending down in every possible area. We don't go out to eat anymore. We don't spend money on anything fun. Everything is on hold until my body is functional again.
Autumn
This season is associated with change, harvest, abundance, gratitude, and reflection. At this time, the trees shed their leaves in preparation for winter and bear fruit or seeds to ensure the survival of the next generation. This fall bounty includes fruits (apples, pears, figs, pumpkins, pomegranates, citrus fruits, and late-season peaches), nuts (walnuts, pecans, and chestnuts), and seeds (acorns). During this time of my life, autumn symbolizes reflection and my coming harvest—when I will finally be healed.
Slow Fade
As the seasons change again, I’ve been reflecting on my journey so far. Looking back on the beginning of my pursuit for healing, one question burns through my mind: Why did I wait so long for help?
The answer: It was a slow fade. I didn’t immediately know I needed medical attention, because I was only getting bloated occasionally without explanation, and my gut was sluggish. Since these issues first surfaced back in 2021, I pursued my own solutions for healing. Researching all the possible causes, I tried everything on the market: probiotics, meditation, chiropractic adjustments, and other various supplements—nothing solved the issue. Some things seemed to help though, so it was hard to tell I was steadily getting worse.
The changes were incremental over the course of four years. As the symptoms increased in severity, I didn’t even notice. By the time my wedding came around in 2024, I was scared I’d be noticeably bloated on my big day—that fear had steadily become normalized at that point. I barely ate food the day before simply to keep my gut “happy.”
I think anything we struggle with can become chronic, and we might not even know it until it’s debilitating us. Whether you struggle with a physical illness, a mental one, or a spiritual one—anxiety, depression, pride, judgement, etc.—anything can become debilitating if it’s not immediately dealt with. We have to acknowledge there’s a problem before we start to fix it.
Note: I am by no means saying that we can be healed from our struggles if we just catch them early enough, but I do think we could keep them from getting to the chronic level if we caught them early.
My Harvest
After all this work and waiting, I am ready for my harvest. Back in December of 2024, I told myself that 2025 was going to be my year of healing (being the year of the snake, which I was born in)—that I’d put all of my effort into healing my body. And I have. I set my wedding anniversary date as the end goal. I was certain I’d be healed by the end of three gut protocols.
But I’m not.
Instead of celebrating my husband and I’s one year anniversary with a healed body, I was very bloated during our vacation. I could barely walk the beach for more than two hours at a time because I didn’t have the energy to—either due to being in the red, a lack of eating to prevent getting into the red, and/or exhaustion from my body’s heavy detox. I was often panting by the time we made it back to the truck.
Every morning I woke up asking myself:
How will I feel today?
Am I going to be able to eat?
Will I have enough energy to go for a walk on the beach?
Will I be able to fit into my swimsuit today?
I still ask similar questions every day.
The end of the third gut protocol is upon me, and I still get in the red. I still have days where I can only fit one meal in my body. Plans still get cancelled. I still worry that expectations and plans outweigh my body’s current abilities. Nothing can be set in stone because every day—every moment—is still determined by how I’m feeling.
The disappointment I’m facing is crushing: I’m not where I wanted to be at this point.
If I follow that thought trail, I end up in very dark places. I’m tempted to just stop trying to heal, because what’s the point if nothing has changed?
But I have to remember: I am healing.
Just like how getting to the point of being chronically affected by my health issues was a slow fade, healing is also a slow process. If I look back to where I was when I started this journey, I am in a completely different place. My cobalt levels have risen to healthy levels, which means my stomach acid is building back up again. My body is absorbing and utilizing every bit of the nutrients I’m putting in it. As my liver works harder than it ever has before, I’m slowly expelling the toxins that have plagued me for years.
My body is still going through an intense detoxification process and hormone re-calibration, but I am helping speed up the process as much as I can by dutifully taking all my supplements, avoiding upsetting foods, getting to bed at consistent times, wearing castor oil packs every day to help my liver, and waiting.
Because healing is on the horizon.
I just have to come to terms with the fact that it won’t be here as soon as I expected. The important thing is to not give up hope that I will find healing. I will be able to eat food again and not fear the consequences. I will be able to make plans and actually stick to them with confidence. I will be able to eat almost anything and enjoy it. I will be able to wear pants again. I will simply feel good again.
I have hope my harvest is coming.
Eternal Hope for Our Coming Harvest
And honestly, even though what I’m going through is nothing to sneeze at, I’m lucky. A lot of people who physically suffer from chronic health issues—be they named or unnamed—don’t have the proof of healing that I do. They suffer without that hope, and I deeply sympathize with them.
But our hope for healing isn’t grounded in this earthly life; it rests on the promise of eternal restoration when Jesus returns to make all things new.
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever" (Revelation 21: 1-4, NLT).
The fact of the matter is, we all have re-occurring struggles and trials that we will deal with throughout our lives. When Jesus returns to establish His Kingdom, His people will be physically, emotionally, and mentally restored. Through His reign, He will bring about a New Earth in which all is renewed and nothing is lost.
And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true” (Revelation 21:5, NLT).
And this is the eternal promise for harvest that we all cling to.
Final Thoughts & Gratitude
If you are still reading this, I have a few bonuses for you:
I created a list of four short and sweet lessons that I have learned from living with chronic illness. They are good reminders of what to focus on if you are walking through a dark season.
I have collected a list of songs that have helped me find hope and peace through this time of hardship. If you would like to listen to them, they are listed below and linked to their respective tracks on Spotify.
Lessons from Living with Chronic Illness
Try to catch small issues before they become big issues. There are always signs of something getting worse. Picking up on them early can help prevent them from becoming chronic.
Treasure the simple. There is beauty in every single day. Sometimes, it’s just as simple as being able to eat. Don’t take normal bodily functions for granted.
Life is still beautiful. Even though I am still unable to live normally, I’ve learned to enjoy what I can while I wait for the ability to enjoy even more.
This too shall pass—if not in this life, then in our eternal one on New Earth.
Peaceful Songs to Maintain Hope Through Hardship
While I Wait - Acoustic, by Lincoln Brewster
Waiting in the Dark, by Cathartic Fall
(Hurting Takes) Some Time to Heal, by Cayson Renshaw
With Me, by Northwest Stories
Thank You, by Iris Jean
Gratitude
While I am eagerly awaiting my season of harvest and would never want to go through something like this again, I have found my true support system through my struggles. And I want to take a moment to thank a few people…
To everyone who asked me how I’m doing and really meant it. To everyone who cooked or bought something for me that I could eat so I wouldn’t feel as left out. To everyone who was patient with me in restaurants when I had to ask the waiter/waitress a million questions. To everyone who prayed for me. Thank you.
To my parents: Thank you for consistently keeping tabs on how I’m doing. There were a lot of ups and downs. Thank you for listening and sympathizing. Also, thank you for your financial support. The health expenses are excessive at times. You provide us peace and a financial safety net.
And of course, to my love, Gavin. I could not walk through this journey without you. You support me by choosing to walk through the same dietary restrictions that limit me. You encourage me by lifting me up when I can’t find hope. You listen when I can’t bring myself to smile, and you sit with me when I can’t stand. Even though you are dealing with your own health issues, you are always willing to help me when I need it. Thank you.
And to my mushrooms: If you are still reading this, thank you. It means the world to me that you have taken the time to read such a personal piece of my journey. If you would like to continue walking through life with me, become a mushroom among wildflowers by subscribing to my blog below, or my YouTube channel. Both are appreciated, and I will see you in the next one.
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